You Want to Date, but You Don’t Want to Date

June 27th, 2010
Written by Jennifer Nickert

Dating sucks, people are weird, nobody gets you. Do you ever feel that way? Everybody does at one point. Most of us want a healthy, loving relationship. There is nothing better after a long draining day then to come home to kisses and a big hug that lasts for hours. Finding that special someone isn’t easy and it’s even harder in the current dating world when people don’t commit.

I just watched this funny episode of “How I Met Your Mother” (which by the way is one of the best insights into dating ever). Barney holds his number up at a baseball game on TV and women start calling and texting pics. He can’t stay with his current date if he knows someone hotter is waiting, so with every pic that is sent he moves to the next one until he is miserable and getting nowhere. There will ALWAYS be someone hotter, richer, funnier, etc…

If you’re craving a relationship, but dreading dating, then don’t do it. You need a break. You aren’t ready. I’m recently going through this right now. I was asked out on a date this past Friday and I actually cried thinking about how much I didn’t want to go. The guy is handsome and very kind, it wasn’t him at all. It’s me, I’m just not ready.

What to do?

Take a break:
Ground yourself. Be your own parent and give yourself some time to be alone and gather your thoughts. I’m grounding myself from dating for 2 months. Then there is no pressure, no thoughts of dating. I know I can’t until my two months of me time is over.

Work on You:
Be realistic with yourself, why aren’t you finding what you’re looking for? Are you still hung up on someone else? Do you work too much? Are you overweight? Work on these things. Set some goals and make it your priority to improve your life.

Find a New Interest or Hobby:
People with lots of activities and hobbies have a lot to talk about and teach. I love meeting interesting people who do pottery , play on sporting teams, travel, or have a culinary night with friends. Not only does it make you interesting, it makes life fun and keeps your thoughts on something you enjoy not something missing from your life.

Build Your Friendships:
Hopefully you already have a great set of friends, most people are lucky if they have one true friend. If you don’t have many friends you have to ask yourself why you don’t have relationships and see what you can do to improve that. If you are a terrible negative person you have to make some changes and be realistic with yourself. If you are just shy or work a lot, or have just moved to a new place there are many ways for you to network and find friends. You should make this a priority. Friends are important in our lives for many reasons, support, love, companionship and just plain old fun.

Don’t feel bad that you aren’t dating. It’s better for you to work on making your life the best it can be before you go and try to add someone to it. Just be easy on yourself, if you don’t love yourself nobody else will.