How to Handle Rejection

July 23, 2010 4 Comments

Life will hand you lemons. It’s a guarantee. How you handle it is where the art of living comes into play. You can sulk, cry, wish, hope, get mad, get crazy or you can turn those lemons into Lemon Meringue pie.
When someone you like doesn’t like you back, likes someone else more, or is just too big of a mess to date, how should you handle it? With your chin up.

Rule # Uno for handling rejection:
Have some class. When someone tells you they don’t want to see you or talk to you, you have to respect that. How you handle yourself right now is your true inner self. Everyone can be nice and sweet when they are treated well. It takes a very strong person to maintain themselves in a dignified way when things are going badly. You’re not doing this for the guy or girl that just “fired you”, you’re behaving for yourself. You don’t want regrets or to be embarrassed later in life over some guy or girl you will hardly remember.

I think Bill Murray said it best in the movie “What About Bob.” He says, “You know, I treat people, as if they were telephones. If I meet somebody I think doesn’t likes me I say Bob, this one is temporarily out of order. You know, don’t break the connection, just hang up and try again!”

There are millions of phone lines, just try another.

Rule #2 for handling rejection:
Treat yourself well. Don’t sit and replay the rejection over and over in your head. It won’t serve you any good. Treat yourself like you would your best friend, make yourself laugh. Put a comedy in, go to a comedy club, read a funny book, or try putting a pencil between your teeth. Sounds weird, but holding the pencil lengthwise with your teeth forces a smile and those muscles tell your brain you are happy. When you are feeling sad, try a pencil or fake a smile until it becomes genuine. You can also call a good friend or family member.

Rule #3 for handling rejection:
Make it positive. Turn that horrible negative rejection into a happier thought. You’re raw and hurting, so this is going to be tough, but what you need to do is make it positive in your head. Don’t think of it as another rejection, think of it as crossing one more thing off your list on your way to your goal. If you have a one in five shot at finding love, you need to cross off four people to get to number five.

Make a happy journal and read it after a rejection. Your happy journal can be pictures that make you smile, any wonderful compliment you ever got. Fill your happy journal with funny stories, passages from books, great memories, cards from loved ones. Then when your day is rough, you open your happy journal and tell your brain it’s ok, that you have wonderful things in your life and put that rejection in the mental trash can.

Rule #4 for handling rejection:
Forgive yourself. If you know it was your fault and we all know when it is, forgive yourself. If you were mea, if you said something stupid, if you behaved inappropriately, whatever it was… forgive yourself. Laugh at it, shake your head and start fresh with someone new. Even if it wasn’t as dramatic as this, but you feel you weren’t good enough. You didn’t dress well enough, you weren’t thin enough, you didn’t say the right thing, or maybe you said the wrong things. Just forgive yourself and change it for the next time.

Rejection will happen to you, over and over within different aspects of your life. Don’t let it get you down, think further down the road. Love yourself and treat yourself well no matter what happens.

Tags: , , , Motivational
4 Comments to “How to Handle Rejection”
  1. Becca Niday says:

    Jenny – “Love yourself and treat yourself well” is such a GREAT reminder for everything. Well said and thank you!

  2. G.E. Moon II says:

    Great information! Thank you for sharing this. You should think about becoming a dating coach! 🙂

    Yours In Health!

    G.E. Moon II

  3. TDRR says:

    I love the movie “What about Bob”

    I keep handwritten daily journals. I just came out of a 7 year relationship, had 2 daughters, blah blah blah….

    I like to look back and see how my mind and emotions have evolved since the split.

    Like Bob, I think I handle rejection pretty well. No need to obsess over one fish.

  4. Todd says:

    Two main points on Rejection:

    1) The fact that there are articles written on how to Handle Rejection is a reflection on WHY people aren’t just “playing games” by not being direct about rejecting others. People don’t like being rejected to their face. At all. One theoretically CAN part ways with someone in a manner that’s more like a “phased withdrawl” if no relationship or anything was established between the two, but few are good at it. Many of the people who get upset and say “I wish they just would have sat me down and told me to my face instead of ‘being busy’ and just disappearing!” — a vast majority of such folks who get real upset about that are folks who get real upset at rejection. And the other person can’t assume they’d handle rejection well, since most people can’t.

    2) There are good ways to prevent a bad rejection… or preventive ways to lessen the potential blow if it comes. Because in the end, it’s all psychological. We all DO care what other people think….
    a) Don’t set your expectations up too high. Just because they seem to like you, don’t have your dreams run wild of being “together” with them and let that marinate. You’ll see ANY sort of rejection as them being an a-hole, and it will also prevent you from….

    b) … keeping an eye on their real interest. People have mixed feelings, hence, mixed signals to some degree. You shouldn’t freak out about it, but expect it and accept it. They can end up being benign or what should be pretty benign could not be for them. When you can read someone well, you know what to expect, and hurt will be less. It’s not about “getting” someone — it’s about finding a good match. Many many times when they reject you, even if they didn’t, it wouldn’t have been a good match anyway once your “honeymoon” feelings passed.

    c) Realize by demonstration that it doesn’t mean you’re not “good enough” in society. Guys deal with rejection a lot more because they are the approachers. Sure, it’s not heartbreaking rejections but they do add up, and lead to “ruts” which can get a guy down. How does he SEE that it’s not that he’s not “good enough” when he gets a few too many rejections?

    Have him approach not-great-looking gals… gals a notch of a ‘league’ below him… where he isn’t into them anyway. Where he’s been with a gal notably better looking. This does two things:
    (i) He will get more positive responses. His cool will be better, his swaggar will be better because he doesn’t care anyway… and like a QB to get some confidence in football, it’s like throwing an easy screen pass to get “momentum” going in his game.

    (ii) He will SEE a gal he KNOWS isn’t in his league will reject him sometimes. He will realize that yes, being rejected is not an indicator of not being good enough when the evidence right before you is someone who you know could do better. You will always run into people who aren’t great catches reject people way better than them.

    d) They can have ex’s still in their life they didn’t tell you about… or certain things about you that you’re NOT ashamed of, but just doesn’t match well with you BUT not tell you. You can’t expect people to tell you the truth on why they’re not interested. It’s obviously a touchy subject (hence articles written on how to Handle it)… many times it’s things THEY’RE embarrassed about — like an ex in their life hanging around… or particular things you don’t like that you don’t know he has.

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